Yes, I'm "still nursing"

In this country we  have cultivated ideals about parenting that are simply not beneficial to children.

For example, I have never been terribly fond of the baby entertainers and I skipped registering for them.  I bought a boucy seat at a consignment store so I would have a safe place to put my son that was easily portable and visual for me, but I believed they were not a healthy place for a baby to spend a lot of time, especially asleep, so I didn't try to put him in it a lot.  Mostly just so I could take a shower every now and then.  He hated it and I would have all of five minutes to shower if I was lucky before he flipped out.

Why?  Because babies are not hard-wired to want to bounce in a seat alone, strapped into a harness, with some silly little stuffed animal dancing around in their faces.  They're hard-wired to want mama (or maybe sometimes dada) and they want her all the time.

All.  The.  Time.

And that's normal.

Maybe there are a lot of babies out there who are perfectly happy to sit contently in a bouncy seat or on a play mat/gym or in a jumparoo.  My kid is not one of them, and I never really expected him to be.

He wanted to be held.  So I held him. 

I held him while he slept because by his third day, I already knew he slept better and longer if he slept beside me.  I held him 90% of the day at least and at night he slept beside me - first in a cocoon, but soon enough in bed with me.  In the cocoon, he slept okay, but I didn't.  I fretted all night.  Beside me in bed, we both slept well for many months.

People told me he needed to learn to sleep alone.

People told me I was spoiling him. 

Personally, I find it hard to believe that an infant has the capacity to manipulate, so I responded to his needs.  I couldn't imagine anymore why I ever expected him to spend time alone, especially when I was right there beside him.  It felt natural, and right.

It reminds me a little of what I dislike the most about disposable diapers.  Yeah, of course, I WOULD find a way to bring that up!  But in all seriousness, the new Pampers Dry Max is touted for being dry for up to 12 hours, giving babies more uninturrupted play time.  But is 12 hours in a wet diaper a good parenting choice?

I like to think that most parents, at least those who can reasonably afford adequate diapers (disposable or otherwise) do not limit diaper changes to 2 per day.  No one believes this is ideal.  And yet, I kind of think parents who use disposables sort of expect to get a lot of milage out of each diaper.  They don't want to change it and throw it away if it isn't, well, "full".  Other moms have told me this in person so I'm not making it up in my head. At about 25 cents a pop, you're spending money every time you cahnge your baby.

But my point is illustrated nicely in this because many parents these days seem to think that parenting is largely hands-off.  Babies sleep in cribs, play in play yards or on mats or in contraptions they cannot escape, and get carried around in their infant seats, which are now often referred to as "carriers".

But it all comes down to our need to control things we cannot control.  If you force your infant to sleep alone and play alone, s/he won't "need" you there all the time and you can have your hands free.  Wean, and you get your body back.

But the fact is that babies should be in control of what they need.  Parents are there to meet those needs in the way they feel is best.  Ignore the diaper and formula commercials, the huge list the baby superstore gives you for a regisrty guide, even forget what your mother tells you.  No one else knows what is best, and no product in a store will make parenting easier.  They may even do more harm than good!

Raise your children with love and care.  They are precious and before you know it, they will stand up, take a few steps, and start an all too short journey away from you.

As for Jack?  I have a 14 month old son who is quite secure.  Yes, he is "still nursing" and he's happy as a clam about it.  So am I!  He also wanders off and explores his world.  He isn't attached to me all the time anymore, but it's up to him.  Boogie decides when he needs to be near me and when he can explore.  But he has limits, which he tests constantly.  But I live day by day, secure in the knowledge that my son will continue to test me for as long as it takes to him to see exactly where the boundries are.  It's a journey we are taking together.


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Baby's Favourite Banana Pancakes

Finally getting around to posting this.  I've been tinkering with a few batches, but since we generally freeze them and they  last a while, it's taken time to get it just right.

Please note that there are several substitutions and I have tried no more than one at a time.  So doing all at once may cause a mess for all I know...

Baby's Favourite Banana Pancakes

Ingredients:

1 1/2 c whole wheat flour
2 T sugar (optional)
1 1/2 t baking powder
1/2 t salt
1 1/2 c milk (no to dairy? try apple juice)
2 T melted butter (I assume, but don't know, that oil or a veg. butter substitution would work.  Haven't tried this one though)
2 eggs (or just egg yolks, or omit them and add a little more banana, or applesauce)
1 ripe banana, mashed (as ripe as can be!)

Method:

Mix together flour, sugar, baking powder, and salt.

Combine the rest of the ingredients in a separate bowl, then add to the flour mixture and stir to combine.  Don't over-mix!

Too wet?  Add a little more flour at a time.

Too dry?  Add more milk a little at a time.

Allow the batter to sit while heating a griddle or pan to med-low/med. heat.  I butter the pan before each new batch, but feel free to use the pan lubrication option of choice.

Drop 1/4 c at a time into hot pan, flipping when the edged are dry and any bubbles have popped.

Should make something in the neighborhood of 16 pancakes, but my batches seem to vary from about 12-18.  Feel free to make smaller or larger for your child's preference!

We serve them up plain and then freeze teh rest, layered between wax paper sheets.  They reheat in about 30 seconds in the nuke, or toaster "frozen" cycle if they are big enough.

Enjoy!  Next up will be our new favourite, Apple Cinnamon Oat Pancakes!






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Parenting advice/ parenting someone else's child

Now that I have my son, I am confronted with parenting issues all over the place. If it isn't my own child, sometimes it's someone else's.

There are as many ways to parent as there are parents in the world, so I expect to rarely run into a parent with very many of my ideals. I'm also somewhat outside the box as far as modern parenting goes.

But sometimes I see something so bad I think...can't I step in?

For example, we recently went to a children's museum in another town nearby.  My son loved best the room reserved for infants and toddlers, dubbed "The Gentle Zone".  While in there, we encountered several parenting issues that I wanted to confront, but didn't, for various reasons.  The one that bothered me most, of course, involved disposable diapers.

A little girl was playing on the little bitty slide.  She had a very short little baby dress on, which I don't really object to in general (although I would have had a diaper cover of some sort on my child, but whatever, she was about 18 months).  However, it is relevant because I could see her diaper from every angle as she moved about the room.  She was in the same area with Jack and it was inevitable to notice that her diaper was pretty soaked.  You know how disposables look when they are saturated?  For boys, its mostly in the front.  Girls tend to be more in the middle, but this one was full up to her waist.  At one point, she bend over and I could see the tell-tale lumpiness of poop in the back.

I was pretty horrified.  See, mom and dad weren't standing to the side, barely watching.  No, they were interacting with their daughter constantly!  They were having a blast!  This of course could explain why they didn't notice - we are blind to some things when we are highly tuned into others - but I was sort of tempted to draw their attention to it.

I didn't.  Not because I feared the kind of ugly, defensive confrontation that the first scene could have caused, but because hygiene is so...personal.  Even for a baby or toddler. Parents who are obviously so head over hills in love with their child that they brought her to an awesome museum and are interacting with her so throughly shouldn't be the kind of parents who don't notice that their child is soaking wet and has pooped her diaper.  But we also live in a country that has come to think of diapers as "hygienic" for some reason.  We believe that disposable diapers are "clean and dry" even after a child urinates in them.  So telling another parent that it's time for a diaper change seems invasive in some way.

On top of that, some parents just don't think diaper changes are that important.  I have met women who have told me that they wait as long as possible to change diapers because they are so expensive.  One woman told me that she knew that it was "bad" but that her baby didn't seem to mind being wet and it was one less thing to do so she only changed on a schedule unless he pooped.  And in this incident at the museum, its entirely possible that these parents view the fun their child is having and the positive learning environment as more important than stopping all that for a diaper change.

And its possible that they just didn't notice.


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Potty Training - Day Whatever

Not sure why I was numbering those posts.  I have no idea what day we are in.  I do know it has been over a week and I have changed only two poopy diapers.  Once, I knew he was going but thought it was too late.  I then went to change him immediately when I thought he was done and found that he wasn't!  So I hurried him to the potty.  Which was delightful, as I then had to both empty the poo from the potty AND dump/spray a diaper.  The worst of both worlds, eh?  The second time, I wasn't watching him (as in, I was elsewhere and someone else was watching him who did not know the signs).  That time, it was also someone else who changed the diaper, so technically I have only changed 1but there have been 2.

He is starting to understand the ASL sign for potty, which may or may not be the real ASL sign.  Someone I spoke with today showed me what she believes if the correct sign.  However, we do not employ daycare or anything like that so it is really only our family that needs to know the sign so we are going to use the one we started, which is almost the same anyway.  At any rate, he looks toward his potty when I sign and ask if he wants to sit on it.

Since we have been having trouble finding signals that he is going to soon pee, we are concentrating on #2 ont he potty for now.  I feel like by the time he does learn the sign and associate eliminating with the potty and then use the sign to tell me he needs to use the potty, etc., he will start to associate urinating with all of that as well.  He DOES however still look down at his boy parts area whenever he pees, diaper or no, so I suspect that just having this diaper-free time has been helpful in learning to recognize the sensations.

Another small update - this morning, he sat down on his potty (fully diapered and jammied) and played with a toy for a minute or so before getting up.  So I think he is getting more comfortable with the potty in general.  I also think it may be somewhat novel for him to have a seat other than his high chair/booster or sitting on a couch or chair with an adult.

My expectations?  I think that over the next 4-6 months he will slowly learn to make these associations and let me know when he needs to use the potty.  I expect that by the time he turns 2, he should be using the potty and hopefully out of diapers at least most of the time - although I am not holding out hopes that he will be completely out of training pants.  When we are ready for trainers, I'll stick with cloth of course.

I'm thinking that once he is signing or vocalizing his need to eliminate, he can switch to trainers.  This way, we can bypass the fancier pocket trainers that are, ultimately, just a diaper that pulls on and off and go right to something that isn't waterproof at home and maybe some that are when we go out.

I've also read that a lot of kids respond well to a system of having to go back into a diaper if they wet their training pants.  The extra incentive sounds effective and not at all cruel.  Boogie is not in love with wearing anything, let alone a diaper, so I suspect that this method will work well for him!


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Potty Training - Day 2ish

So Boogie has definite signals that a #2 is coming, but his pee signals are not clear yet.  He seems as surprised as I am when he suddenly stars to pee!

We had some outside naked time Wednesday and he only peed once, and was thoroughly amazed when he crouched down and saw himself pee for the first time.  He then proceeded to play with his little boy parts for a bit, but that's nothing new...boys, right?

So we have been having daily naked time in the kitchen and he seems to enjoy it, since we have not really ever let him spend much time in there.  Our cocker spaniel is pretty incontinent and that's where he spends most of his time, so it was always easier to gate him in and keep Boogie out.

For right now, we will be sticking with some daily naked time and try to get him on the potty often and whenever we see signs of impending elimination.  However, of the 5 times he has so far peed while naked, twice he has crouched down first, but three times he hasn't.  I haven't recognized any other signals but I'm going to just keep watching until we do.  Eventually it will happen.

My goals for now are to learn his signals and teach him the ASL sign for "potty".  He did well with the ASL sign for "milk" and has started signing again after a hiatus of pulling on my shirt instead.  We re-instated the milk sign recently and he took it back in really fast, so I have high hopes that we can learn the potty sign within a few weeks and at least learn to associate the sign with the potty itself.

Fortunately, he seems more than able to eliminate without a diaper, which I credit to his being in cloth.  However, he is still not bothered at all by a wet or dirty diaper, so I'm also hoping he will start to feel the wetness and signal to me that he needs to be changed.  I think this will help in the process if he can learn to be uncomfortable with a wet or dirty diaper.


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Potty Training - Day 1

So we have started the earliest stages of Potty Training.  Although, to be fair, many would claim that teh earliest stages should mean starting at about 3 months of age.  Personally, while I believe that Elimination Communication (or Natural Infant Hygiene) can and do work for many families, cloth diapers worked well for us.

And they still do!  I'm not parting with diapers anytime real soon, but I noticed recently that my son does not seem to be bothered by wet or dirty diapers and I believe this is problematic.

Back in 1961, when Proctor and Gamble were first developing disposable diapers, they hired a pediatrician to do their dirty work.  He was hired to convince parents that disposable diapers are cleaner, dryer, and safer than early potty training.  In the early 1900's, even in the US babies were potty trained from very early ages and most children started by 9 months.

Now, the average age of potty training is around age 3!  Many parents are waiting longer and longer to potty train, waiting for a mystical, magical "readiness" that may not actually exist.  Pediatricians are telling parents that waiting until their child is older is fine, but the reality is that as kids get older, they crave stability, control, and schedules.  So I've asked myself, "Does it make sense to wait until Boogie is older to teach him to use the potty?"

The answer I have come to is a resounding no.  But, I do understand that modern life means not everyone can potty train their young babies and toddlers.  Day cares are not always able to help working parents and it just isn't always feasible to potty train based on watching your child like a hawk to see the often subtle cues that signal impending elimination.

However, I am fortunate in being able to stay home with my son.

And this morning, I got him on his potty in time for #2!  Not that he understands yet, but he will.  Naked time is fun for him!

I'd post a picture but...uh...ew...


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Useless Baby Gear

One thing I tried really hard to do while pregnant was block out all the useless baby items.  I knew we didn't need a wipes warmer for our baby to be happy and healthy.  But there are soo many items we either purchased or were given that turned out to be a waste of money.  We didn't buy a swing and by the time I decided I needed a bouncy seat, I found one for less than half of retail (in good shape, too!) at a consignment store.  My son barely used it, preferring to be held.  But while we didn't bring home every kind of plastic entertainment center or soothing rocker or whatever from the baby store, we did bring home a few duds.

1) Disposable nursing pads.  I went through a dozen boxes of these at least and with that money, I could have bought a dozen pairs of nice cloth ones and been done with it.  I never had to run out for diapers, but I did have to run out for more of these when I ran low and it irritated me to be doing that.  But I never knew when I would stop needing them.  Boogie was about 5-6 months old when the leaking slowed down to a mere trickle and I switched to a set of 6 cloth nursing pads.  Almost immediately after making the investment, I stopped needing them altogether.  But next time, I'll know.  And I'll be investing in cloth from the start (with maybe a box of disposables just in case).

2) Sleep Positioner.  I thought this was vital.  I mean VITAL.  Turns out that babies who can flip themselves over well enough to do so in their sleep don't need to stay on their backs all night to stay safe.  However, babies who can't...well, they won't!  There's no need to use these positioners and frankly, ours was a pain in the butt to clean.  If you feel you must have one, find one that does not have a back piece that goes under baby's head or you will be washing spit up off of it frequently.  And ours couldn't go in the dryer so that was fun, too.  I gave up on it fairly quickly.

3) A second car seat base.  My son has never once ridden in my husband's car.  The base didn't fit well and we never needed it, really.  Eventually, it went in my mother's car, but because I had a two door car, we were using her car 95% of the time anyway and could have easily only used hers, or (with more difficulty) only used mine.  Thankfully, I now have a 4 door car and we've more or less ditched the infant seat anyway!

4) Car seat toys.  Those adorable little toys that hang from the car seat handle for baby to play with?  Boogie never cared for them at all.  Besides, the handle should be back when the carseat is in the car, so when is he supposed to play with them?  I never liked for him to spend a lot of time in his seat when it wasn't in the car, so he got zero use from the toys. We recieved a ton of them and bought some ourselves and Boogie just never cared for them.  Now they collect dust at the bottom of his toy bins.

5) 9 Months size clothes.  Boogie was in and out of this size in maybe a month, and yet he had an entire complete wardrobe in that size.  Next time, we'll skip right to 12 months.

6) The breathable bumper.  Boogie didn't sleep in a crib until 7 months (we didn't even buy one until then!) but I put the bumper on it and found that within a month, he was pulling himself up to stand on it  and it really wasn't serving any purpose.  So down it came.  I'm pleased that we never bought a crib bedding set for $150 or more, since they seem to be almost entirely useless.  He sleeps on plain blue fitted sheets that were about $10 for 2 at IKEA.

Fess up!  What did you bring home for baby that was completely useless??


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