Parenting advice/ parenting someone else's child

Now that I have my son, I am confronted with parenting issues all over the place. If it isn't my own child, sometimes it's someone else's.

There are as many ways to parent as there are parents in the world, so I expect to rarely run into a parent with very many of my ideals. I'm also somewhat outside the box as far as modern parenting goes.

But sometimes I see something so bad I think...can't I step in?

For example, we recently went to a children's museum in another town nearby.  My son loved best the room reserved for infants and toddlers, dubbed "The Gentle Zone".  While in there, we encountered several parenting issues that I wanted to confront, but didn't, for various reasons.  The one that bothered me most, of course, involved disposable diapers.

A little girl was playing on the little bitty slide.  She had a very short little baby dress on, which I don't really object to in general (although I would have had a diaper cover of some sort on my child, but whatever, she was about 18 months).  However, it is relevant because I could see her diaper from every angle as she moved about the room.  She was in the same area with Jack and it was inevitable to notice that her diaper was pretty soaked.  You know how disposables look when they are saturated?  For boys, its mostly in the front.  Girls tend to be more in the middle, but this one was full up to her waist.  At one point, she bend over and I could see the tell-tale lumpiness of poop in the back.

I was pretty horrified.  See, mom and dad weren't standing to the side, barely watching.  No, they were interacting with their daughter constantly!  They were having a blast!  This of course could explain why they didn't notice - we are blind to some things when we are highly tuned into others - but I was sort of tempted to draw their attention to it.

I didn't.  Not because I feared the kind of ugly, defensive confrontation that the first scene could have caused, but because hygiene is so...personal.  Even for a baby or toddler. Parents who are obviously so head over hills in love with their child that they brought her to an awesome museum and are interacting with her so throughly shouldn't be the kind of parents who don't notice that their child is soaking wet and has pooped her diaper.  But we also live in a country that has come to think of diapers as "hygienic" for some reason.  We believe that disposable diapers are "clean and dry" even after a child urinates in them.  So telling another parent that it's time for a diaper change seems invasive in some way.

On top of that, some parents just don't think diaper changes are that important.  I have met women who have told me that they wait as long as possible to change diapers because they are so expensive.  One woman told me that she knew that it was "bad" but that her baby didn't seem to mind being wet and it was one less thing to do so she only changed on a schedule unless he pooped.  And in this incident at the museum, its entirely possible that these parents view the fun their child is having and the positive learning environment as more important than stopping all that for a diaper change.

And its possible that they just didn't notice.


Blogger Templates

Potty Training - Day Whatever

Not sure why I was numbering those posts.  I have no idea what day we are in.  I do know it has been over a week and I have changed only two poopy diapers.  Once, I knew he was going but thought it was too late.  I then went to change him immediately when I thought he was done and found that he wasn't!  So I hurried him to the potty.  Which was delightful, as I then had to both empty the poo from the potty AND dump/spray a diaper.  The worst of both worlds, eh?  The second time, I wasn't watching him (as in, I was elsewhere and someone else was watching him who did not know the signs).  That time, it was also someone else who changed the diaper, so technically I have only changed 1but there have been 2.

He is starting to understand the ASL sign for potty, which may or may not be the real ASL sign.  Someone I spoke with today showed me what she believes if the correct sign.  However, we do not employ daycare or anything like that so it is really only our family that needs to know the sign so we are going to use the one we started, which is almost the same anyway.  At any rate, he looks toward his potty when I sign and ask if he wants to sit on it.

Since we have been having trouble finding signals that he is going to soon pee, we are concentrating on #2 ont he potty for now.  I feel like by the time he does learn the sign and associate eliminating with the potty and then use the sign to tell me he needs to use the potty, etc., he will start to associate urinating with all of that as well.  He DOES however still look down at his boy parts area whenever he pees, diaper or no, so I suspect that just having this diaper-free time has been helpful in learning to recognize the sensations.

Another small update - this morning, he sat down on his potty (fully diapered and jammied) and played with a toy for a minute or so before getting up.  So I think he is getting more comfortable with the potty in general.  I also think it may be somewhat novel for him to have a seat other than his high chair/booster or sitting on a couch or chair with an adult.

My expectations?  I think that over the next 4-6 months he will slowly learn to make these associations and let me know when he needs to use the potty.  I expect that by the time he turns 2, he should be using the potty and hopefully out of diapers at least most of the time - although I am not holding out hopes that he will be completely out of training pants.  When we are ready for trainers, I'll stick with cloth of course.

I'm thinking that once he is signing or vocalizing his need to eliminate, he can switch to trainers.  This way, we can bypass the fancier pocket trainers that are, ultimately, just a diaper that pulls on and off and go right to something that isn't waterproof at home and maybe some that are when we go out.

I've also read that a lot of kids respond well to a system of having to go back into a diaper if they wet their training pants.  The extra incentive sounds effective and not at all cruel.  Boogie is not in love with wearing anything, let alone a diaper, so I suspect that this method will work well for him!


Blogger Templates

Potty Training - Day 2ish

So Boogie has definite signals that a #2 is coming, but his pee signals are not clear yet.  He seems as surprised as I am when he suddenly stars to pee!

We had some outside naked time Wednesday and he only peed once, and was thoroughly amazed when he crouched down and saw himself pee for the first time.  He then proceeded to play with his little boy parts for a bit, but that's nothing new...boys, right?

So we have been having daily naked time in the kitchen and he seems to enjoy it, since we have not really ever let him spend much time in there.  Our cocker spaniel is pretty incontinent and that's where he spends most of his time, so it was always easier to gate him in and keep Boogie out.

For right now, we will be sticking with some daily naked time and try to get him on the potty often and whenever we see signs of impending elimination.  However, of the 5 times he has so far peed while naked, twice he has crouched down first, but three times he hasn't.  I haven't recognized any other signals but I'm going to just keep watching until we do.  Eventually it will happen.

My goals for now are to learn his signals and teach him the ASL sign for "potty".  He did well with the ASL sign for "milk" and has started signing again after a hiatus of pulling on my shirt instead.  We re-instated the milk sign recently and he took it back in really fast, so I have high hopes that we can learn the potty sign within a few weeks and at least learn to associate the sign with the potty itself.

Fortunately, he seems more than able to eliminate without a diaper, which I credit to his being in cloth.  However, he is still not bothered at all by a wet or dirty diaper, so I'm also hoping he will start to feel the wetness and signal to me that he needs to be changed.  I think this will help in the process if he can learn to be uncomfortable with a wet or dirty diaper.


Blogger Templates

Potty Training - Day 1

So we have started the earliest stages of Potty Training.  Although, to be fair, many would claim that teh earliest stages should mean starting at about 3 months of age.  Personally, while I believe that Elimination Communication (or Natural Infant Hygiene) can and do work for many families, cloth diapers worked well for us.

And they still do!  I'm not parting with diapers anytime real soon, but I noticed recently that my son does not seem to be bothered by wet or dirty diapers and I believe this is problematic.

Back in 1961, when Proctor and Gamble were first developing disposable diapers, they hired a pediatrician to do their dirty work.  He was hired to convince parents that disposable diapers are cleaner, dryer, and safer than early potty training.  In the early 1900's, even in the US babies were potty trained from very early ages and most children started by 9 months.

Now, the average age of potty training is around age 3!  Many parents are waiting longer and longer to potty train, waiting for a mystical, magical "readiness" that may not actually exist.  Pediatricians are telling parents that waiting until their child is older is fine, but the reality is that as kids get older, they crave stability, control, and schedules.  So I've asked myself, "Does it make sense to wait until Boogie is older to teach him to use the potty?"

The answer I have come to is a resounding no.  But, I do understand that modern life means not everyone can potty train their young babies and toddlers.  Day cares are not always able to help working parents and it just isn't always feasible to potty train based on watching your child like a hawk to see the often subtle cues that signal impending elimination.

However, I am fortunate in being able to stay home with my son.

And this morning, I got him on his potty in time for #2!  Not that he understands yet, but he will.  Naked time is fun for him!

I'd post a picture but...uh...ew...


Blogger Templates

Useless Baby Gear

One thing I tried really hard to do while pregnant was block out all the useless baby items.  I knew we didn't need a wipes warmer for our baby to be happy and healthy.  But there are soo many items we either purchased or were given that turned out to be a waste of money.  We didn't buy a swing and by the time I decided I needed a bouncy seat, I found one for less than half of retail (in good shape, too!) at a consignment store.  My son barely used it, preferring to be held.  But while we didn't bring home every kind of plastic entertainment center or soothing rocker or whatever from the baby store, we did bring home a few duds.

1) Disposable nursing pads.  I went through a dozen boxes of these at least and with that money, I could have bought a dozen pairs of nice cloth ones and been done with it.  I never had to run out for diapers, but I did have to run out for more of these when I ran low and it irritated me to be doing that.  But I never knew when I would stop needing them.  Boogie was about 5-6 months old when the leaking slowed down to a mere trickle and I switched to a set of 6 cloth nursing pads.  Almost immediately after making the investment, I stopped needing them altogether.  But next time, I'll know.  And I'll be investing in cloth from the start (with maybe a box of disposables just in case).

2) Sleep Positioner.  I thought this was vital.  I mean VITAL.  Turns out that babies who can flip themselves over well enough to do so in their sleep don't need to stay on their backs all night to stay safe.  However, babies who can't...well, they won't!  There's no need to use these positioners and frankly, ours was a pain in the butt to clean.  If you feel you must have one, find one that does not have a back piece that goes under baby's head or you will be washing spit up off of it frequently.  And ours couldn't go in the dryer so that was fun, too.  I gave up on it fairly quickly.

3) A second car seat base.  My son has never once ridden in my husband's car.  The base didn't fit well and we never needed it, really.  Eventually, it went in my mother's car, but because I had a two door car, we were using her car 95% of the time anyway and could have easily only used hers, or (with more difficulty) only used mine.  Thankfully, I now have a 4 door car and we've more or less ditched the infant seat anyway!

4) Car seat toys.  Those adorable little toys that hang from the car seat handle for baby to play with?  Boogie never cared for them at all.  Besides, the handle should be back when the carseat is in the car, so when is he supposed to play with them?  I never liked for him to spend a lot of time in his seat when it wasn't in the car, so he got zero use from the toys. We recieved a ton of them and bought some ourselves and Boogie just never cared for them.  Now they collect dust at the bottom of his toy bins.

5) 9 Months size clothes.  Boogie was in and out of this size in maybe a month, and yet he had an entire complete wardrobe in that size.  Next time, we'll skip right to 12 months.

6) The breathable bumper.  Boogie didn't sleep in a crib until 7 months (we didn't even buy one until then!) but I put the bumper on it and found that within a month, he was pulling himself up to stand on it  and it really wasn't serving any purpose.  So down it came.  I'm pleased that we never bought a crib bedding set for $150 or more, since they seem to be almost entirely useless.  He sleeps on plain blue fitted sheets that were about $10 for 2 at IKEA.

Fess up!  What did you bring home for baby that was completely useless??


Blogger Templates

First Birthday

Today is Boogie's first birthday.  While he is climbing around the living room (walking! already!), pulling things off the shelves and unfolding laundry for me, I can't help but be mystified as to how we got here.  A year?  Really?  It just doesn't seem that long ago that he was this little bitty bundle of a thing.

I was a mean mama and scheduled his 12 month check up for his actual birthday.  This morning we went and crawled around the exam room for a while.

That was great fun.  Then the nurse came and took a finger prick blood sample and that was actually kind of interesting.  He was more fascinated than anything else.  The stethoscope was also a hit.  For the record, a BumGenius is pretty easy to use at the pediatrician, where the diaper goes off and on and off and on.  One piece is handy :)

Then came the big V.  Vaccination time!  He didn't like that at all.  For a toddler, he sure took it like a...well...like a baby.  But he's still my little baby so it's okay.  I was an extra mean mama and took a picture of him crying afterwards.  Then we had some mama milk and it was all better.

He has always been a happy baby.  I don't know if he is naturally happier than average or if we are just fantastic parents who meet all of his needs.  I suspect its at least party a natural disposition but I like to believe it is at least partly my doing.

A year ago, I was terrified that he would never learn to latch.  The first week of his life was arduous, as I suspect it is for all new parents.  My husband and I were completely overtaken by a 7lb 9oz creature that seemed to be under the mistaken belief that we knew what to do with him.  I clearly remember the sloppy lists and lists of notes on feeding times and duration, diaper changes, etc.  I also remember throwing it in the trash and deciding that I would be a lot happier if I didn't have to look at a list of the times he failed to latch.  I also remember throwing a nipple shield at the night table and deciding firmly that he would latch when he got hungry enough.  And he did.  Pretty quickly, in fact.

As it turned out, we did know what to do.  We just had to put the books down and listen to our intuition.  I know it took longer for my husband to hear his than it did for me to hear mine.  But that's fairly normal, I suspect.  After all, I was home with him and learned his cries sooner.

So here's a few things I wish I had known before I became a mama.

1) Don't let anyone convince you to send your newborn to the nursery for the night.  You won't sleep better.  You just had a baby!  Is he okay?  Is he hungry? Is he crying?  What if they give him formula, even though you ask them not to?  What if he gets a paci, even though you ask them not to?  My son had a lovely sign on his bassinet asking that he not be given formula, pacis, or anything else without our permission.  He came back from the nursery twice with a paci shoved in his mouth.  No wonder he wouldn't latch!  I wish I felt 100% sure they didn't give him any formula.  I do feel 100% sure that his needs were not adequately met there, as they would have been with me in our room.  If they didn't bother to read and obey our sign, why would they respect anything it said?  I probably wouldn't have laid there wondering if he was okay if he had been 2 feet away, either.  Oh, and then the bill came.  Turns out the nursery isn't a free service provided out of love.

2) Babies don't come with schedules and they don't really care about the one you thought up for them, either.  The fact is that you just cannot schedule a newborn.  I would venture to say that you cannot really schedule a baby at all for several months at least.  Boogie took to a sleep schedule at about 7 months and I don't think he would have gone for it even a few days earlier.  He's never been one to nurse on a schedule and he only just now wants his solid food meals on one.  The best thing I could do for Boogie was to meet his needs when he needed them.  And I look back now and feel confident that I have not taught him to eat when he isn't hungry or to eat more than he wants, nor have I made him wait to eat because it wasn't "time".  And this is a good thing!

3) You just do not know your capacity for love until you have a baby.  You can love your spouse, your parents, even your adorable puppy.  But you really just can't fathom how overwhelming the love you will have for your child is until you meet him (or her) and feel it for yourself.  Which bring me to...

4) There is nothing cooler than when your baby says "mama" and means you.  I remember when he started saying "baba" and my dad said he thought he was talking about me.  I remember realizing that baba meant, actually, my boobs (or maybe the milk in them? Still not sure but he still says baba when he wants milk)  Then one day he started saying "ma ma ma" and it seemed random.  Until he pulled himself up to standing at the baby gate and called a string of "ma ma ma ma" and reached for me.  My heart almost exploded.  He loves me!  He really loves me!

5)  It really truly does not matter if his outfit matches.  What matters is that after he nurses in our bed in the morning on Saturday, Daddy takes him downstairs and I sleep for a while longer.  So what if I come down at a cool 8:45a and he's wearing the shirt from one outfit with the pants from another?  Or still in his pajama shirt and pants that don't match?  Or no socks?  Or nothing at all?  He's happier naked anyway.



Blogger Templates+

I'm nothing if not frugal

I love frugality.  I was a hard-core drugstore game playa for a solid year and a half before I had Boogie, and then I sort of started to leave that behind in favor for more natural products over the ones I was getting free or cheap playing with CVS freebies.

However, natural products are very rarely had for the kind of deals I was getting on, for example, shampoo or shaving cream.  These were free, in fact.

So, I take what I can get.  I recently posted about how I buy Boogie's yogurt in the larger container and portion it out, freezing some, instead of buying the individual packs.  In general, I prefer to buy the plain whole milk organic yogurt over the packs because they have added sugar and I prefer to give it plain or add my own fresh fruit with no added sugar.

However, a week or so I came across a deal that was too good to pass up.  Whole Foods was running a coupon in their Whole Deal Newsletter for $1/1 4-pack of YoBaby 3-in-1 Meals.  I had snagged a few $1/1 Manufacturer's coupons from a blinky at another grocery store, and our Whole Foods allows you to use both a store and a manufacturer's coupon.  Since the packs were on sale for $2.69, I picked up 4 packs of 4 for $0.69 each, or about $0.17 per cup.

He loved them and enjoyed them until we ran out yesterday and had to buy a new tub-o-yogurt.  But that's a good savings over regular price on the larger tubs as well, which puts more money in our grocery budget for fresh foods.

So a little added sugar isn't going to kill him, really.  Especially since he has hadly had any kind of added sugar in anything.  The exception is Annies organic bunny grahams.  Love those.  I mean, Boogie loves those.  Okay, I eat most of them.

This is just one example of how you can make organic work for your budget.  I firmly believe that it doesn't have to be all or nothing.  Do what you can and be an informed consumer, especially when it comes to the products you put on or in your body.  Once we run out of the stocked up items I have from Drugstore game days, we will switch to more natural products, including and especially those we use for Boogie.  I recently picked up some California Baby products on clearance at Target for about what the conventional Johnson's stuff costs so I'm looking forward to emptying the current bottle of baby wash to make the switch.  We have already dropped the baby lotion in favor of Coconut Oil and it works better!  But I can't bring myself to throw away what we have in favor of spending more on something else, so we're making gradual switches.


Blogger Templates